he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
