Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Randomize
