Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
