Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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