you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
