Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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