Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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