apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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