I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
