And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
