i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
