I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
