Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
