the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
