did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
