Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
