Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
