The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
