u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
