what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
