I am spending my child support on dildos
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
