saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
