Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize