community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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