sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
