Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
