people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
