Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
