he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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