I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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