She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
