Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
