So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
