i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
