and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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