my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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