im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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