Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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