If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
