I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
