omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
