he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
