I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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