Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
