I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
