I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
