I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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