why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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