Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
