I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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