I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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