I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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