It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
