Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would fuck him just for his dog
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
