Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
