Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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