the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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