Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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