I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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