Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
