Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
