I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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