I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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