cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
