So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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