What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
