She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
