Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
