Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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